A Sense of Unrest

I've been riding the struggle bus since I left Australia.  Kuala Lumpur was alright, but I didn't love it. I honestly don't understand why it has such a strong reputation of being a cool city. Nothing was wrong, but nothing really felt right there.  I'll get into it more later, but long story short I was happy to leave when I did. I left KL for Bangkok, Thailand, which is where I am now as I'm writing this.  My start to Bangkok has also been a little rough, but again not because anything is really wrong.  It's more of my mindset and emotions I guess.

I was pleasantly surprised that I didn't have to pay for a visa upon arrival despite everything that I read before I left NY telling me that I would need to do just that.  I made a point to have Australian cash on me so that I could exchange it to Thai baht before I hit customs. I had a little run in with the customer service agent that a less experienced Katie would have fallen for. After I exchanged my cash, had the signed paperwork in my hand, and the deal was done I asked the woman if she would exchange one of the large bills she gave me for smaller ones. I read that often taxi drivers don't keep enough change on them so I didn't want to be in a tricky spot later.  It was then that she told me that one of my 20s from Australia was damaged and that she couldn't accept it. I told her no and she kept insisting. She completely ignored my request for small denominations of baht and was urging me to return my baht so that she could give me the Australian bill. I told her that the exchange was done and that I wasn't returning any money.  She got irritated with me and kept insisting. I said firmly no and then walked away.  A younger Katie would have done what she said because I would have thought it was the right thing to do and would have been scared that I did something wrong. Katie today is a bit wiser. I had all of the documentation and I did nothing wrong. See ya later, gator!

So, I proceeded to go to the visa upon arrival queue and was told that I didn't need it, which was awesome because I didn't have to pay the fee that I was anticipating having to pay.  I waited in the immigration line for what seemed like forever. It was probably only about 30 minutes, but it felt like a lot longer.  After I got my finger prints documented and my photo taken I was officially in Thailand! I didn't even have to get my bags checked or anything. Customs was basically me just walking through a corridor. I love it when it's like that!

I got from the airport to the my Airbnb just fine. It was one time I was thankful that I actually did some some research before traveling. Without it I think I would have been pretty lost - literally and figuratively.  When you get out of immigration and customs at Don Mueang airport there are some stands that offer you taxis, but they are quite expensive. Those are actually flat rate car services, not traditional taxis despite the way they brand themselves. Unlike in KL, there's no express train service from the airport to the city center so a taxi is pretty much necessary.  There is a bus option that will get you to the rail service, but I didn't want to mess with that with all of my luggage. It seemed more cumbersome than saving a few bucks was worth.  The best financial option for a taxi is to proceed to the metered taxis.

The metered taxis are regulated by the government and the expectations regarding what you're paying for are much, much more clear than other options. So, it's both smart and relatively inexpensive. There's a large waiting area where you take a number, sit down and wait for yours to be called. Before hand I read that waiting for the metered taxis is a smart financial move, but can be really frustrating because it can take quite a while. To give you a sense of what I mean, my metered taxi  number was 809.  They were calling 720 when I first got there. I took a deep breath and reminded myself that I wasn't in a hurry so why not wait. I often don't mind having to wait for transportation for a while after I get off a plane because my stomach tends to be unsettled, so I focused on the positive even though I really just wanted to be "home". It really didn't take as long as I expected; it couldn't have been more than a 30 minute wait, if that.

When I arrived at my Airbnb I was a bit nervous because my directions were really clear about not asking the front desk for help and making sure not to talk to any official with the building. That's a clear sign that something's not on the up and up for sure. Basically my directions were to wait by the door and follow someone in where I could collect the key. I easily found the key fob in the mailbox and proceed to the lift to go up to the apartment.  Oh, did I mention that there were signs everywhere in the lobby warning about how to building was not a hotel, it was illegal to rent out apartments to daily and weekly visitors, and that staying in one of the apartments on a short term basis was against Thai law?  Welcome to Thailand, Katie! Here's a nice dose of freak out just for you!

So, already I felt a bit uneasy. But then I couldn't get the elevator to work properly and, of course, there was a tenant who was giving me advice on how I should go to the front desk to ask for help. CRAP! Two things were going on. 1) I wasn't working the fob properly. There's a six inch long device where you have to swipe the fob. It turns out that where the logo is on that device is actually where the sensor is, so it's not enough to swipe it across the device anywhere. It has to be in a specific place. 2) I was selecting the wrong floor, which is also why it wasn't working for me. I'm staying on floor 12A, not floor 12. My fob only gives me permission to go to my floor and the common floors. I might as well have been trying to select the 20th floor.  It took me longer than I'd like to admit to realize that I'm staying on floor 12A because there is no 13th floor.  Thankfully after I figured that out my racing heart slowed down and I made it to my floor just fine.  By the looks of the plastic wrapped doors, there's only a few apartments that are actually occupied on this floor. I get the sense that the building isn't empty, but it's far from full.  It's quite quiet, which I greatly appreciate.

Once I got into the apartment I had to figure out how to turn the power on and how to get the air con up and running.  I let myself settle in a little bit, but I also immediately got wifi rocking and rolling to message the host about the signs of illegal behavior and to do a some internet research myself.  Long story short, my host assured me that there was nothing to worry about (what else was I expecting to hear?) and the internet assured me the same.  Thailand has officially said that Airbnbs are illegal, but it hasn't held up in court. Ultimately, Thailand doesn't want to see their housing and hospitality markets in crisis because of cheap rentals, but it also has been apathetic about enforcing and prosecuting. It's been argued that there are two loopholes to Thai law that allows for these type of rentals, and those arguments have actually been successful in court. There are some technicalities that my rental of a month, as opposed to just a few days, potentially exempts my host from the requirements. Most importantly what I took away is that I am not breaking the law in any shape or form, technicalities or no. At worst, my host is and that has nothing to do with me. So I'm good to stay.  After staying here for a few days it is crystal clear to me that there are several apartments being rented out in this way so while I'm not trying to tempt fate here, it doesn't seem like the building cares much beyond posting those placards. I read several internet sources that said that this is how most buildings have responded. They've posted the signs, but they don't pursue any legal recourse with the hosts. I've seen people coming and going with luggage on the regular, as well as others who are clearly trying to blend in without drawing attention to themselves. I feel fine about everything now knowing that I am not doing anything wrong, but it really did add to my stress level on my arrival day.

The title of this post is "A Sense of Unrest" because that's how I've felt since I've arrived. I'm doing everything I can to feel normal here, but I'm struggle to do so.  I'm trying to set up a schedule so that I'm getting the most out of my days. I'm trying to settle in to just living and not being a tourist.  I need to slow down. I'm feeling really run down after five weeks of almost non stop travel. I know that it doesn't seem like it should be taxing to lay by the lagoon and stretching out in the sun, to watch some tennis, or to visit a few temples, but it is.  I think it's a result of not having a home.  Every piece of every day needs to be thought about in a way that I just don't do when I'm home and living my every day life.  For example, on day one in Thailand after I got into the apartment and felt confident that I wasn't doing anything illegal, all I wanted to do was grab something to eat and then go to sleep, but I couldn't. I had to figure out where I was in the city, what was open, how to get there, etc.  Even if I just walked out my door to see what's up, I'm thinking about a lot more like making sure I'm paying attention to where I'm going so that I can get back and so that I'm being safe.  Even after I got dinner I had to remember to find a place to buy water because while maybe I could risk it, it's better to be safe than sorry when brushing my teeth that night. When you have to consciously think about every little decision and action it can be really exhausting.

I was glad to have had the experience of traveling in Asia before because otherwise I think I would have lost it within the first day or two. Thailand, Malaysia, Hong Kong, and Vietnam are all distinct. They have their own customs, their own languages, their own distinct rhythms.  At the same time, they are all pretty similar. I think of it like the US, Canada, and Turks and Caicos. For all intents and purposes if you understand one you can understand the other, but then you discover something like milk in a bag that makes you realize they are different places. While Thailand is somewhat different than what I've experienced in the past, I've been able to use those experiences to brace myself for immersing myself in the culture. Though there was less of an initial culture shock entering Thailand than my first few days in Hong Kong, I still kind of felt like I wanted to cry because nothing was familiar. No matter how much I knew it was coming I was feeling really uneasy about not hearing English around me, being the only white person around, not being able to find items I'm used to getting in the stores, etc. The worst part is that I knew it would just take time and I also knew before embarking on this trip that there were going to be days or even weeks of feeling frustrated that where I am is not home.  I think what added to this feeling is the recognition that I need to settle in to just living here and get serious about work.  There's now an added pressure to prove to myself that I can do what I'm supposed to be doing on this sabbatical. I also have to deal with the fact that I'm not really motivated to do the things that I'm supposed to be doing. I'm trying hard to find that motivation, and fear of public failure is frankly not as motivating as I expected it to be. It's no longer a matter of planning for what I'll do or anticipating the start; it's now time to do it. 

The cherry on the top of all of this? I'm sick.  I woke up yesterday morning with a very sore throat and a bad attitude about it. I tried to get a few things done, but I mostly laid low. I was hoping that my sore throat was a product of being in a really dry apartment with the air con going most of the time.  Bangkok is also super polluted. There is a pretty constant haze over the city. Yesterday was particularly bad though so I thought maybe that was part of it as well. I bought a saline spray and some throat lozenges.  I've been trying to drink water constantly to stay hydrated and to dilute anything yucky in my body. Last night it cooled down to about 84 degrees when I went to bed so I opened the windows and tried to get the air circulating with the fan only feature on the air con unit. I slept pretty well and wasn't overheated at all. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Today I woke up with an even more sore throat and a little bit of congestion.  I've indulged in some naps and Netlix. I'm struggling with it because I know I should be working and I feel like a bum hanging out in an apartment in a foreign land when I haven't seen anything in this city yet. But, if I really am just living and working here, it's ok to rest and trust what my body is telling me to do.

I know this sense of unease will pass. I know that this little sickness will pass too. It'll be ok. For now though, everything feels wrong and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.  Vacation pictures look great, but I'm going to keep it real and say that right now I'm not in love with bring abroad.