Looking Back

Here I am... sitting in a guest bedroom in Charlotte, NC... writing a post on my travel blog... without traveling.

Because I have zero ability to write in real time or even in a timely fashion it's not surprising that I'm writing about my travels after I returned to the United States.   I knew that there would be experiences that I wouldn't have the head space or the drive to reflect on and write about until after I got settled back into my regular life.  Never did I imagine that I would return less than half way through my allotted sabbatical time because of a global pandemic and find myself trying to wrap this up. 

My travel back to the US was not phenomenal, but I know it also could have been A LOT worse. I wasn't mentally prepared to travel. I knew it was likely that I would need to leave soon, so throughout the week leading up to my departure I had prepared myself for making the final decision to come back to the US as much as possible.  What I didn't have time to do is put myself in the position to be facing a long trip back without things like a fully charged phone and wireless headphones, a charged power bank, snacks, and an organized bag that I packed in advance. I basically woke up, made the decision to leave, spent time buying a flight, made cut throat decisions about what to pack and what to leave in Thailand while throwing stuff into my bags, and ran out to the door to get a taxi.  There was no moment to make sure I was practically prepared to go. I had to hope I didn't forget anything, didn't leave anything I'd want in the long run and would have what I needed in the event I got stuck along the way without making it to my final destination.  

I had a lot of stress as I was leaving because I walked out of my hotel at 10:00 AM and my flight was taking off at 12:20 PM. I was under the impression that I was about 30 minutes from the airport. It turns out that I shorted that by about 10 minutes, but that shouldn't have caused much anxiety, despite my window being kind of tight.  I was nervous because it was an international flight (Phuket to Hong Kong) and I knew the check in would close an hour before it took off. So, I really only had an hour and 20 minutes to get there and get checked in. It was enough time in an ideal situation without any snags and without any major waiting in line.  The taxi driver that took me to the airport did so in a tuk tuk instead of a van. Ok, fine, but it ended up taking longer because that thing didn't go over 35 mph.  It did have a sound system that would have allowed me to connect via bluetooth and have a little party in the back, but I was too anxious to do more than notice it. We also hit road construction, like three times. The driver kept taking turns to avoid it, but was just kind of feeling it out. At one point he even stopped because he had to go to the bathroom. I had to really do some yoga breathing and remember that human beings have to pee and I shouldn't be upset with him because of it. I had to trust him, but I had little confidence.  More importantly, he was super shady and at one point we missed the turn off for the airport. He seemed to be intentionally overshooting the airport in order to back track.  It made zero sense because we agreed on a flat rate. It's not like he was adding time to a meter. When I asked about it he mumbled something about going passed it to come back. It made zero sense to me but it stressed me out greatly because I couldn't always tell where we were and the clock was running. At about 45 minutes into the trip I asked how close we were and he said 20-30 minutes, which was insane. He knew I had to be there by 11:00ish and acted like he had no idea that I had a tight timeline. I ended up getting to the airport with 10 minutes before I thought the flight was going to close. I asked the taxi driver if I was at the right terminal and he assured me I was. After I waited in line to get my luggage screened and my temperature checked I learned that I was not in fact in the right place, and I had to go through the processes in an adjacent building. 

Let me pause and tell you that starting off a long international trip with an experience that will make you stress sweat isn't awesome because stress sweat smells awful. I knew I was going to be traveling for over 24 hours and I already reeked. Cool.

Thankfully, they didn't close the flights like normal and I checked in just fine, even after the expected deadline. The agent working the line told me not to worry, but I didn't believe it until I had my ticket in hand.  It was still close though. One I made it through immigration to officially exit the country and then security I was able to go to the bathroom and pick up a crappy panini because I didn't know if the flight would have food and at that point I hadn't had anything to eat yet all day. As I was paying my flight started boarding and before I knew it I was on my way to Hong Kong.

My first flight was about four hours and was uneventful, which was great.  When I landed in Hong Kong it was eerie. I have been to HK before I knew what to expect on a normal day - hustle and bustle, lots of people. It was not quite a ghost airport, but it was clear that the only people traveling were people who were on connecting flights. Most were westerners who were responding to travel warnings from their home countries.  There was a feeling that's hard to put my finger on, but it was palpable in the Phuket and Hong Kong airports.  There was a sense of urgency and anxiety, but also to some degree humor because what else could people do but throw their hands up and take what came at them. It was a weird mix of tension and a laissez-faire attitude about it all.  As I'm writing this I'm realizing that I think it was the only time I've ever traveled when I didn't witness an argument, at all. No parents and kids arguing, no middle-aged businessman without a sense of how loud he is when talking with a client on the other end of his cell phone, and no passengers and agents arguing (more on that later). It was quiet. Some people were talking on their phones to people back home, but here were a lot of people like me who were just waiting. 

I had a lot of time to myself in Hong Kong - about eight hours. I walked around and visited some of the shops to waste some time.  There were a lot of stores that were closed because there just wasn't enough people to warrant them being open. Even if there weren't concerns about spreading coronavirus, it would be bad business to keep the stores open with such little demand. I browsed lululemon, but continued on thinking about settling in at my gate.  I circled back because I realized how tense my body was and what difficulty I was having calming my brain. I realized that I had on a sports bra and work out top, so all I needed was a pair of yoga pants and I could go through a practice to help me relax.  The people at the HK airport lululemon were awesome.  They were ridiculously friendly in a genuine way. I didn't feel like they were just trying to make a sale. I engaged in some retail therapy, spending entirely too much un-budgeted money on two pairs of yoga pants. (I was only going to buy the pair that was on sale, but I tried on a new pair that felt like butter on my skin. How could I resist??) After I came out of the dressing room the staff even suggested that I borrow one of their yoga mats for my practice. It was great! So I left the shop with my spirits lifted a bit and with the plan to find a corner out of the way to do a practice.  

It felt so good. I released so much tension. I can't imagine what I would have felt like by the end of my trip had I not take this hour to stretch and slow my breathing. 

The flight was kind of bonkers. Out of about 265 potential passengers there were fewer than 50.  I was originally seated in an aisle where one seat had an immovable armrest, so before we even took off one of the flight attendants suggested I move to a center row where I could spread out and actually even lay day across the seats.  Everyone did it. Unless someone traveled with a child they were sitting in their own row.  I couldn't help but think it was probably the worst flight to have purchased an upgrade or even a business class ticket.  I read something after I got back that was a blurb about how a woman purchased her own domestic ticket with points, and then two dirt-cheap accompanying tickets on each side so that she didn't have to be within close proximity of another passenger. The joke was on her when her flight had fewer than 10 passengers.  FYI, in case you ever get the opportunity to fly with three seats across to yourself, if you try to lie down make sure to tilt back all the seats. It will make the seat cushions a bit more level across all three and will also make it so that the seat belt joints are less prominent.  It's much more comfortable to lay across like that. I slept something like 9 hours out of the 12-hour flight.  

The flight to Seattle was followed by a nine-hour layover. That was when my trip really started to suck. If I start counting from when I left my hotel I was about 26 hours in and I was pretty tired, despite sleeping on the plane. I was lucky to have gotten a fair amount of sleep across this trip, but it was all disrupted, uncomfortable sleep that wasn't very restful. I was appalled that the United States seemed to have finally woken up to the very real dangers of corona and the lack of preparation to stop its spread, yet I wasn't even asked if how I felt when I reentered the country, much less had my temperature taken.  I was asked where I traveled and when the immigration officer knew I had flown from HK he asked if I went to mainland China. When I said no I was welcomed back into the country without any further questions asked. It wasn't shocked because I read enough to expect that, but I was still baffled by the official process. It felt incredibly inadequate to me. 

I spent the next nine hours trying to sleep on a bench in the small mezzanine above the check-in desks because it's the airline's counters closed and it's impossible to check a bag in early, which meant I couldn't go past security. Once 3:00 AM PST hit I was able to check in, check my bag, and get through security. So, at 3:10 AM after all of that was done I found that Qdoba was the only place open. I destroyed a burrito bowl and a Dr Pepper just a few minutes later. Despite eating Mexican food, it felt like a very American experience.

My flight to DFW was uneventful and I had a quick layover that allowed me just enough time to go to the bathroom, grab a snack at the shop near my gate, and then get in line for boarding.  It was at this point that I craved being home all the way down in my bones.  I ached for it in a way that didn't feel nearly as intense at any point before.  It only got worse during the last two hours because my flight to Charlotte was the worst flight I ever had - worst than the four-hour turbulence-laden trip back from Turks and Caicos last year that culminated in me throwing up during landing, if that tells you anything. 

I started to feel airsick almost immediately.  I kept it to myself until the beverage service started, when I began to feel like I had an urgent need to vomit. My hope was that sipping on some ginger ale and deep breathing would help settle my stomach. It did not. I was sitting in the back of the plane and while drinks were being served in the front I got up to ask the male flight attendant (FA1) if he had a barf bag because I was having trouble finding one and was worried I was going to throw up in the seats 30-45 minutes into a two-hour flight. He barely looked back at me and said, "There's one in your seat back pocket and if not there are some in the back" while vaguely pointing to the rear of the plane. He was dismissive in tone and didn't seem to care that I was in need. At this point I was trying really hard not to vomit so I went to the bathroom and threw up. I made it back to my seat and then found a bag.  

As I was sitting in my seat after I vomited, FA1 and a female flight attendant (FA2) proceeded to the back of the plane to serve drinks.  FA1 did not acknowledge my presence, but FA2 asked if I was feeling ill. I said yes. She provided me with a ginger ale, but did not say anything else to me at this point. At first I thought she was being friendly and helpful, unlike FA1.  My stomach continued to bother me. I was cramping and felt nauseated. I got up again to vomit and FA2 suggested I use the bathroom more forward in the cabin instead of the ones three rows behind me because they were serving the last two rows of drinks. They could have stepped back less than 10 feet into their prep area, but seemed to refuse to do so. I was confused why they would refuse me easy access to the bathroom.  I rushed forward to find out that the bathroom was occupied. I returned to the back, waited until they finished and then went into the bathroom to vomit again. I barely made it. 

When I came out of the bathroom FA2 asked me if I had a fever. I said no and told her that I was airsick.  She asked me where I traveled and I said I was coming from Thailand. She asked if I had a fever again as if I never answered her first question. It was clear that she didn't believe me and was treating me as if I had lied to her.  I told her AGAIN that no, I was just airsick. I told her I had my temperature checked in previous airports and that it was fine. She did not respond to me further.  Throughout this interactions, both FA1 and FA2 were sitting behind the curtain that closes off the area behind the bathrooms.  FA2 was partially obstructed while speaking to me and FA1 was completely obstructed, but I could tell he was talking to her while she talked to me because she kept looked back and forth and interacting with both of us, but I could not hear what he was saying.  It was incredibly disrespectful to not meet my eye and speak with me directly.  

I returned to my seat and again, after some time passed, I felt the need to vomit and I had really bad stomach cramps.  I stood up near the bathroom in the rear, but facing forward until the bathroom was unoccupied.  While standing there FA1 breezed by me and nastily said, "You can't stand here."  I responded by telling him that I was going to vomit and he curtly told me I needed to sit down.  There was no suggestion for an alternative and no acknowledgement of my assertion that I was going to vomit soon. The seatbelt light was not on at this point in time. I sat down again, breathed through it, but eventually returned to the bathroom to vomit. 

With approximately 45-60 minutes left in the flight I stood at the back because of cramping and fear of vomiting again. One whole side of the back row was empty with the tray tables down. I worked my way back to the bathrooms, but knew I'd get reprimanded for standing again so I sat in the closest seat to the bathroom. The flight was not full and there was nothing that indicated that sitting in the back row seats was prohibited or that there was anything special about the seats. They just looked like unoccupied seats. A third flight attendant (FA3) rushed up to me to tell me that I couldn't sit in the back row. I told her I was just trying to stay out of the way because I had to keep getting up to vomit and I didn't want to disturb the gentleman sitting next to me again (aisle seat).  In a loud voice and snide tone she said, "Yeah, we all know." And started to walk away. She paused and asked if I had a fever. I told her no, that I had my temperature taken at my previous airports and she interrupted me and told me that I was lying because she knew that no one was taking passenger temperatures at SEA or DFW. I tried to explain, but she cut me off. She exclaimed that I wasn't even wearing a mask. I told her that I was air sick and that I didn't have coronavirus and that throwing up was not a symptom of coronavirus.  She then exclaimed that I was disrespectful and shouldn't have even been on the flight in my condition. The last thing she did was threatened me by telling me that she was already in communication with the American Airlines Chief Medical Officer who was going to meet the flight and advise them on what they would do with me.  I later learned that FA3 was the head FA for this flight.  

I was sick and miserable the rest of the flight.  I recognize that there was nothing the flight attendants could have done to prevent my airsickness, but they were rude and provided zero customer service in response to my seeking help.  As I departed the flight, all flight attendants acted as if nothing happened. They looked at me vaguely and thanked me for my business. There was no follow up, no follow through about medical intervention, no apology, and frankly, no recognition of me as a human being. I did not make any complaints to anyone in the airport because I was still feeling ill after landing and proceeded to vomit in an airport bathroom.  I decided to address this situation through written communication instead of lodging a complaint in person.  So far I've received a $100 flight voucher from AA that they issued me "as a courtesy" because transportation was provided and that is their core product, but I'm preparing to challenge it through another communication. What good is a $100 flight voucher to me when we're not even supposed to be flying now??

I'm happy to say that I made it to Charlotte where my dear friend and former roommate, Havaleh, graciously met me in baggage and handled me bursting into tears when I saw her like a champ. For the record, I puked one more time in the airport before I made it to baggage claim.  I was in rough shape and the idea of getting into a car to drive back to her house seemed like torture.  Eventually we made it there.  I am staying with Havaleh to avoid inadvertently bringing the virus back to my parents.  I wouldn't forgive myself if I got them sick.  No, I wasn't being cavalier about Havaleh's health; we both have a lower chance of getting severely ill from it if we did contract it.  My parents are each in the high risk category and I feel much more vigilant about keeping them healthy. I was confident that if I got "stuck" in Charlotte for weeks or even months that Havaleh and I would be ok.  We've lived together before and knew that we'd handle the situation well together. Plus, we're the closest of the friends and isn't that exactly who we'd want to be quarantined with in this type of situation? 

Almost two weeks in and we're still doing well. We're living a pretty basic life and it's fair to say we both have experienced heightened emotions, but I don't think to a greater degree than anyone else right now. We have mutual intentions of balancing of work, walks, working out, cooking, cleaning, and relaxation. We have been cognizant of how many entertainment options we have - Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime, HBOGo, Starz, books, podcasts, music, etc. I've found that what's helping me is setting a list of daily goals, telling her about them for a little accountability, and then being satisfied with what I've accomplished, even if it's very little on some days. The expectations I have for myself are a bit different than what they would be if I were not on sabbatical right now. 

I haven't exhibited any symptoms of the virus in the last 12 days.  Two more and we can be confident that I don't have it. (That timeline is a bit debated, but it's the guideline we've decided to use.) We committed to social distancing before NC required it and also have been practicing isolation to protect others until we're confident we're not passing the virus along. Honestly, I think it has helped control some of our spending because we're not popping out to grab a few things here and there as we think of it.  This may seem counterintuitive, but in some ways I wish I got a mild case of the virus just so I wouldn't have to worry about it now.  Unfortunately, there seems to be no way to guarantee yourself a mild case.  Who knows, maybe I had it when I was feeling pretty miserable my first week in Bangkok?

So, anyway... my intention is to keep writing posts to discuss the things I haven't discussed about my trip yet. Once I finish, I'll be done until the next time I travel. 

One COVID19 Moment at a Time

I haven't spoken about coronavirus on this blog much. It's been fairly intentional in that the purpose of this blog is to provide reflections on my traveling, not provide commentary on current world events. I haven't wanted to post anything that could be interpreted as advice or recommendations for how to procedure during this challenging time.  There's a lot of ignorance and a lot of fear mongering out there, by both the overreacters and the underreacters.  I don't want to be one of them, so I've stayed away from the conversations here on this site.

Considering the frequency of my posting I doubt any of you few readers have been wondering about my realtime thought process regarding being abroad and travel while the virus spreads.  I am touched that so many people have reached out through social media and text to make sure I'm safe and in good health, though. Since I left the US on December 30 I have been following the news about the spread of coronavirus and keeping it in my mind while making travel plans.  Much to my parents' annoyance/frustration/concern I didn't view the virus as a reason to return.  While it was spreading in China, South Korea, Iran, and Italy, it wasn't a major issue is Australia, Thailand, and Laos.  I had to weigh the risks of being away from my home country with the reality that I may never get an opportunity like I've had these few months ever again. 

My mom cautioned me a little while ago that she wanted to make sure I wasn't making the decision to stay in Asia based on emotion.  The assumption that I wasn't looking at the situation intellectually hurt me and angered me. It played upon all my insecurities that people view me as ditzy and not very smart.  It felt like a low blow because it felt like my mom was saying that I was just too caught up having fun to pay attention to how the world was reacting.  I got a lot of messages telling me about the news that I had already seen as if I was completely cut off from western press, despite me saying over and over again that I was reading western sources.  What I think was really going on was that my mom was frustrated/annoyed/irritated/angry/whatever verb that I wasn't making the decision that she wanted me to make - the one that she thought was the right decision.  I can appreciate that both of my parents were very uncomfortable with having one of their adult children away from home during this growing crisis.  My sense was that both of my parents felt I was just digging in my heels. 

In a sense I was. Honestly, I did not feel a threat at all in Thailand. When I was staying in Bangkok I saw regular temperature monitoring of individuals entering public gathering spaces like malls and on public transport.  I saw regular cleaning of then handrails on escalators and on the metro.  At the entrances to those public spaces there were workers who stood offering hand sanitizer to everyone passing.  Most locals wore face masks every day, all day in public. There was so much consideration for keeping people healthy and so few cases that I felt very comfortable. The threat of mass outbreak was growing in the US and the US seemed woefully underprepared, but Thailand had already been dealing with it for months.  There was absolutely no concern in Laos because there didn't seem to be any evidence of the virus in Laos. 

More so than feeling safe in Asia, I felt less and less certain about returning to the US.  Most of what I read talked about how the US wasn't taking the virus seriously and that it was underprepared with few supplies, limited testing, and practically no protocols in place.  Why would I want to return to that when I'm in a good spot, having amazing experiences, and not feeling threatened by this virus at all?  Asking someone to leave a safe spot to come back to an uncertain at best location seemed foolish to me.  Additionally, I was really uncomfortable with the idea that being in Thailand I was safe, but through the process of coming back I could bring the virus with me.  For a variety of health and age-related reasons I didn't want to put my parents' health at risk.  For those of you who don't know, everything I own except what I currently have with me is either in a storage unit or being stored at my parents' house. Coming back means coming back to their home.  If I were to self-quarantine there's no way for me to do that without doing it with them. I don't have my own living space to go back to. That made things much more sticky for me. 

My parents kept raising the concern of "well, what if you get stuck in Thailand?" My response was, "Well, then I'm stuck in Thailand."  There are much worse places to be stuck. I'm lucky enough to have a job that I could do from afar if we stay in social isolation for long periods of time.  If things are so bad that blanket travel bans are in place for long periods of time I don't have to worry about in-person work resuming either. I could do my job from Thailand. The only thing that would stop that is if this virus hurts the economy so badly that my employer closes up shop. Hopefully that's not even within the realm of possibility. 

So, I decided to keep on keepin' on. I decided to stay where I was and enjoy my time, but keep my finger on the pulse of the world. I put myself in the mental state of being able to respond reasonably when I knew it time to change my plans, and be able to do so quite fast if necessary.  I was extremely disappointed to wake up to news one morning of India closing its borders. My friend Liz was due to arrive for a visit with me in Phuket in a few days and then a few days after that we were scheduled to visit Sri Lanka.  If India closed its borders it was only time until Sri Lanka did the same.  Liz ended up cancelling her visit altogether and I swiftly cancelled my flight to Sri Lanka.  We both felt confident that it was the right things to do because there was a lot at stake. We both agreed that it was better for us to stay in place where we were instead of risking international travel and getting each other sick.  It was alright right about this time that New York started ratcheting up its response and most people starting practicing social distancing and working from home.   I'd like to note that throughout this past month, but especially in the last two weeks I conferred with friends, colleagues, and other family members and all were supportive of my rationale for staying, all except for my parents. Go figure. I'm swear I'm not trying to make them sound like bad guys here. I understand their apprehensions and fears. We were just in opposition on this topic. 

Here's what flipped the switch for me.  This morning I woke up to a text that said, "Katie the US State department urges all US citizens to come home or shelter in place." I also had a bunch of news alerts saying the same thing. I read a few articles that made it clear that if I got stuck the US government was not coming to help. This was my warning. Well, poop. 

I considered sheltering in place, but just two nights ago I questioned what I would do if I ran out of my prescription medicines. I'm sure Thailand has accessible medical treatment for asthmatics and narcoleptics. It has a pretty good medical system and there is a substantial presence of western doctors in Thailand too.  The question was going to be how easy it would be for me to get routine care if the hospital system became taxed. I also started thinking about how I would get food if Thailand imposed a required quarantine. I'd like to think that whatever hotel I stayed at wouldn't let me go hungry, but that's a bit of a gamble.  I felt like I had a reasonable rebuttal to every request from my parents to come back to the US, except now.

As new of the virus taking its toll on Italy, it beginning to spread in the US, and governments around the globe responding I began to think about where I could spend my time if borders began to close.  Could I stay in Thailand if my tourist visa ran out? If the US closed its border or if I couldn't get a flight were there any other countries I could bide my time in? For a while I had been thinking about how I had to come up with a plan, and probably a few back ups.  I was considering going to a yoga retreat in Cambodia a few weeks ago but changed my plans earlier this week when I read that their medical system assumes your family will provide some basics like clean linen and food for you if you have a prolonged stay in the hospital. So Cambodia immediately turned into a no go for me. I could go back to Laos, which I loved and seemed to have a low chance of closing. But, I had just read that Australia closed its borders to all foreigners. I started to get the impression that the chances were greater of that becoming the standard across the globe, or at least in countries that seemed relatively untouched by the virus so far. 

After a few days of recognizing that my options were becoming more and more limited and the messages I got this morning, here I am - in the Hong Kong airport waiting for my flight to Seattle to start boarding, which it will do in about 5 minutes.  I know it's the smart thing to do, but I am heartbroken that this experience that I've waited 3 years for is now abruptly over. I'm crushed, but also know that I've had so many amazing experiences so far that it would be a bit inappropriate to be too upset about it. There are a lot of people dying from this virus and a lot more are going to get sick. I can handle having to go back early.  

And I will sing Neil Diamond in my head as I board the plane. I'm comin' to America... today!